I’m in the early stages of wedding planning right now and I’m so excited to get married in early 2023. Everything has been going well so far, but I have avoided inviting people to join my wedding party because I don’t know what to do about this certain situation.
A little background: my best friend of over 20 years and I have been talking about her as my bridesmaid since we were children, but now that this moment has arrived and the circumstances have changed, I am changing my mind. At the time when I was with my partner, my childhood friend left the country, and I also became incredibly close to FH’s sister (I already consider her my sister).
From a logistical point of view, I think it would make more sense for my future SIL to be my maid of honor since we are so close and she is nearby, the more she will be my SIL after all is said and done. I also don’t want to put unnecessary pressure on my friend if I ask her to commit to being my bridesmaid when she’s in town just for the wedding weekend anyway.
Where I’m stuck is how to broach the subject without ruining our 20-year friendship. Is there a way to kindly share my thoughts or should I just ask my friend outside the country to take on this role and hope for the best?
Let me pause and add a thought here… I think the way we organize wedding parties in our culture is a little off. We “ask” people, but we assume that the answer is yes without taking too much into account the budgets, lifestyles and time restrictions of these people, or anything else. Or we decide not to “ask” people because we make assumptions about their availability and opinions. Some of us accidentally get stuck on the idea of the “perfect” wedding party with equal sides for ourselves and our partner. Or we get caught up in the headlines and the labels instead of the general feeling, the connection and the support that are really at the heart of what a wedding party should be.
Basically, I just think that there are a lot of ways to organize a wedding party that can go wrong. So, my first tip is to try not to make sudden assumptions that You should definitely plan to have real conversations with your friends and family. Maybe you’re right, and your best friend doesn’t want to travel for more than a wedding weekend. Maybe you are mistaken, however, and your best friend intends to come to town for all the events and, In any matter, if logistics are the main thing that worries you, it will be much better to give him a chance to get involved in this conversation.
Another thought is that this speaks from experience, you don’t. Twice separated, I was a MOH and shared the title with the bride’s sister?and guess what? It worked wonderfully! That’s why. Although being chosen for the honor of being someone’s MOH is really special, there are also many parts that are not particularly glamorous. It becomes expensive and time consuming to plan all the special events that you want to spoil your best friend with, you have to argue and coordinate the rest of the wedding party, and you are on deck to take over when it comes to planning tasks or emergency’
So, think about having two MOHS: your future SIL will be your local right-wing girl, and your friend (who will come from another country) may be a super useful left-wing girl from afar.
Or, not having MOH that’s what I did. I invited my best friends to attend my wedding party without any person taking this priority role.it it worked very well for me (even though my wedding was small and my pre-wedding events were minimal).
