Please excuse the interruption of your regular questions and answers, but we need to talk. In particular, we need to talk about bridesmaids (including newlyweds, wedding brigades, wedding posses, etc., filling the void).
Week after week, as a columnist for Advice Forever a bridesmaid, I get questions about wedding parties that suggest that people are downright awful, or that the stress of planning an event with many moving parts means that sometimes the basic principles of friendship get lost in the mi. I can’t do anything about terrible people (SRSLy just stop being their friends), but I decided that something (anything) needed to be done to offer strays a little… drive, if you like.
Because I understand. Getting married is a lot of pressure, stress, and expense. Yes, yes, yes, all this is true. But you guys. For the sake of your bridesmaids and other loved ones, and maybe just to give hope to humanity, you need to pull yourself together. So, without further ado, I present to you the declaration of the rights of bridesmaids (and other nuptials). Read. STORE. Send the link to your friend’s hot mess. And whatever you do, remember that everyone you invite to be part of your wedding has the following rights.
1. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO.
Being a bridesmaid is an honor, and it’s also going to involve some level of effort. This means that when asked, you can say no. Maybe you can’t really afford it, maybe you can’t get to the wedding, maybe you’ve never even met your future sister-in-law and therefore don’t feel the need to be one of her fourteen bridesmaids. Everything is fine. It could affect your friendship. I do not guarantee in any way that your rejection will be frictionless, but you are not a bad person for saying that you simply cannot be a bridesmaid.
What do you mean, brides? People getting married? You have to listen to me. You can ask someone to be at your wedding party, and they can choose to refuse, and that’s fine. Even if it’s about your marriage, chances are it’s not really about you.
Which brings me to this. Brides, stop already with the follish proposals of bridesmaid. We’re all matures. You know what makes it really hard to refuse? To ask in public. Be required with a sentimental gift box. The second someone commits is asked before setting a date or place. Treating your potential bridesmaids with respect means not forcing them to serve, even if this pressure comes with the best bridesmaid cup ever, before they’ve calculated whether they can afford the dress, travel and leisure.
2. YOUR BUDGET IS RESPECTED.
Look, we did it. No one agrees to be a bridesmaid thinking that he will spend on the wedding. Some money will change hands. You buy a dress, a gift, maybe contribute to a shower and a bachelorette party, go to and from the wedding, and probably spend a certain amount of money to look pretty.
But how much money? It’s really personal (and there are limitations here). If your shower budget is 5 50, that’s it. If you can’t afford a Ne When you say to a good friend “ ” Hey, I’d love to, but I can’t afford it, so I’ll sit this out—have fun,” that friend should listen. It’s as basic as being a decent 101 person here.
3. YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING.
Any pl Let’s clear things up. You should let all your guests bring their relatives because you are not the IRS, this is not 1927, and requiring people to be married or engaged or live together to be treated as a social unit is foolish.
But SRSLy!? Your bridesmaids, at a MINIMUM, can bring their loved ones. Don’t even try. I hear you there, formulating reasons why this is a good idea. She’ll be busy all day! His partner will be bored! She will run away from her duties to look at her partner in need! We just want people we know there! We all think it’s the worst! It will simply ruin the lay Just stop. If you do not invite the relatives of your bridesmaids, and these relatives have not committed any crimes against you, you are a bad friend.
4. YOUR BODY IS NOT AN ACCESSORY.
Safe. A bride can choose a dress, within your budget, and ask to wear it. But it is necessary to combine this with the real recognition that bridesmaids are people, not accessories. This means you can say “My breasts and I don’t do strapless” and then expect a bride to choose a strapless dress for you. Or to tell the bride that you are older… and that you need a Banging plus size dress. Or that you have modesty requirements. And if you have tattoos every other day of your life, they don’t magically disappear for marriage (Sidebar: People! Just choose a dress with sleeves for everyone if this is a problem for you.)
However, I will ask brides to go beyond the basics. Do your bridesmaids dress people? Is professional makeup something they want to do? As a bridesmaid, do not make a fuss because you do not like the color, or the style is not your favorite, or you prefer that your hair does not look like a prom from the 90s. A certain level of suck-it-up-and-deal is required. But important fundamental concerns? Express them and expect them to be heard.
5. YOU STILL HAVE YOUR LIFE TO LIVE.
As a bridesmaid, you usually have to plan to do wedding things all day of the wedding and attend a rehearsal dinner, if you can. But you don’t have to fly to a shower or a bachelorette party or dress shopping or a bridesmaids lunch foolish scheduled for Thursday noon before a wedding on Saturday because your best friend forgot that most people have jobs. These are all great things to do, and it’s especially nice to try to make time for them if you’re local. But a wedding is a day, and you do not owe a bride a weekend of a year.
6. YOU’RE NOT A REAL WAITRESS.
You are here for moral and emotional support. No manual work. It’s not your job to set the chairs or knock down the room. Yes, shake the dress, fluff the bridesmaids, wear a bouquet, and provide emotional support. And if you want to help more? Awesome! Have fun! But you are not a manual guard job just because the word “maid” is in your title. Of course, people can ask for help. Of course, you can agree that you would like to do a chore or two or ten. But accepting that best bridesmaid mug doesn’t mean you signed up to wipe the floor with a dress, period.
