One of my best friends is getting married and I’m a bridesmaid. I was expecting the usual expenses: dress, gifts, etc. She has already asked us to do our hair and makeup, and we are flying all over the country for her four-day bachelorette party. Everything was fine with me.
Then, a few days ago, the bridesmaids received an e-mail from her aunt stating that she was reserving a room for the bride sho She said that it would be a lunch for a hundred women (there are five bridesmaids) and that she would take care of the menu and the centerpieces.
I’ve heard that the bridesmaids are responsible for organizing a shower, but I’ve never seen anyone plan and then give the bridesmaids the bill for a full catering percentage. What is the correct way to handle the situation? I ask the bride if there is anything else we can do for her, or am I comparing myself directly to the aunt by saying that it is completely outside our budget? Or am I completely wrong for not expecting to shower her?
You have my full permission to close for business. I’m going to say a lot of things, but honestly, stop reading now, write him an email that says “No” and call him sometime.
The responsibilities of bridesmaids are a complicated thing. If you search for them on Google, you will find page after page of homework (completely follish). Here is my take on the responsibilities of a bridesmaid when it comes to a shower. I think that as a bridesmaid, you have an obligation to consider helping organize a shower for the bride. Usually, a bride doesn’t ask for a shower; she only accepts if she is offered one, and that’s a good thing to offer if you feel up to it.
do you want to pay for it? Are the other bridesmaids planning anything/anything to help? Where is everyone? If you wanted to launch one, what kind of event are you ready for? Does the bride want one? But, most importantly, all you have to do is think about it. It’s all right if your analysis is: “No! Everything is put to good use for other wedding things emotionally/financially, I don’t even live near her, I love her but she’s really chic and I don’t feel like it.”It’s also good to decide to offer a Lo doccia ke doccia shower in your living room, because you like it a lot, but you don’t have a lot of money to spend. (And remember, this is the traditional type of shower.)
After doing all this, tell the bride what you are thinking, be it “Sorry, I can’t” or “Do you know if anyone is planning a bachelorette party? I can’t do much financially, but I’m all for baking and decorating”, or “A Parisian theme, and the puppies like the favor, obviously, right?”
Aunts (using the word to refer to any woman closer to your mother’s age than yours, who loves you like a biological aunt) are also the first guest contestants of bridal sho. (Traditionally, moms don’t welcome showers. I’m totally here for the rules and traditions, but honestly, I can’t worry about that. No one thinks that your mother organizes your shower to get out of your chest of hope.) So the aunt here is partially doing good things! He’s coming forward! It’s getting organized! He made a plan!
OH, BUT WAIT. His plan is for you to pay for it. And I’m sorry, aunt, but hell no. To begin with, rule number one is that we all spend our money and let others spend theirs. But also? If you think someone else might want or expect to contribute to something you are planning, ask them to make a plan first and then collaborate on the plan.
So I’m going back to my original answer. Say no to this lady. If his plan was something reasonable or something that you liked, of course, respond and negotiate. But it’s not, so just say no. And reach the bride separately to touch the base. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that your aunt contacted us about the shower. I wish I had showered you, but honestly, with everything else, I’m just being exploited financially.”He should be one of your closest friends, right? You should take it.
And can I take a minute for the absolute follish that is a shower of a hundred people? I know, I know, “My family is huge”, “I have thirteen aunts”, “Everyone does it.”But still. This is a huge, huge request for anyone to organize a party for a hundred people. If your bridesmaids offer to welcome you for a shower, you can’t tell them that they have to invite a hundred people. This is simply unacceptable. This is the kind of thing that has to be paid for by an aunt or a grandmother or your mother (in secret, if it’s traditional like that). And honestly srsly A hundred people coming together to celebrate is more commonly referred to as “a wedding.”
